Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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