So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
