Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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