I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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