im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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