im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
