SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
