okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
