Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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