and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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