Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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