the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
