He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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