I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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