party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You smell like stripper and shame
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
