i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
