i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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