Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
