I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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