oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
