I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
