Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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