Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
