I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
