just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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