just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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