Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize