quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
