Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
