my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
