Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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