Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
