Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
