i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
