Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
