TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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