idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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