did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
