i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
