so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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