I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
