Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
