Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
