pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
