Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
