You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
