Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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