someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
