Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
