Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
