Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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