can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
