Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
