You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
