is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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