We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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