What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can't just leave with hair like that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
