i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
