Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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