I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
