my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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