I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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