No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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