I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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