butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
