you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh god it's open bar.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
