S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
