I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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