The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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