And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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